Where there a tertiative, I'd take it!

Our valiant little rodent PM went on record on Fathers' Day saying our bulk communications carrier Telstra was now so reliable in rural Australia that the Feds might justifiably relinquish their controlling interest in a third bite at the privatisation cherry...

This former communications analyst begs to differ - unless John Howard is referring to the carrier's record in reliably stuffing up customers' communications.

A case in point: some little while ago I complained about modem-rattling noise on our phone line. I contacted Singtel Optus, my nominated long-distance carrier and local call rebiller (the local line technically remains Telstra's asset, for the use of which I am now paying an inflated $A30 a month plus calls.) Optus duly informed Telstra of a possible problem on the line.

A Telstra technician came and checked our 300m of line from the kerb to the spot in the house where I used to have my little Krone Main Distribution Frame (installed to demarcate a network boundary under the old Telecom's rules but removed when the linesmen actually installed their phone line and socket), and pronounced it o.k. He proceeded to the little containerised exchange 800m up the road to investigate there. At that point our line went down, and we remained incommunicado for five days.

Anyone ringing us would hear the 'phone "ringing" - but we heard no ringing, and had no dial tone. I traipsed up our back boundary hill to be able to report the outage to Optus, by mobile phone. Five days later, and after despatching a senior technician from two hours away, the fault was fixed. The technician told me a wire had 'fallen out' at the exchange when his colleague had installed some 'noise choke' on my line five days earlier...

I am recounting this little experience in some detail this Monday evening because I have been told it could take until Wednesday to fix another mysterious line fault that struck us on Friday at about lunch time. There are roadworks in progress on our patch, and the grader gang had ripped up the line last week but fixed it again pretty quickly, so I didn't worry at first. But the line remained dead over the entire weekend - which incidentally prevented my quasi-son-in-law from checking whether I had in fact dis-invited him from staying with us at the turn-around point of his 1600 km monthly voyage to see his youngest son for two hours...(I had not.)

This morning I walked to the nearby hamlet where the service station owner told me that yes, Telstra's technician/s had in fact worked at their little containerised exchange next to the garage on Friday. So what else is new?

Thanks for nothing
I had walked to the service station (3km round trip - good view of the roadbuilding works) to call Optus to tell Telstra to fix that line. The Telstra payphone accepted 50c for the call, but kept it without connecting me. The Optus Freecall number, incidentally, was conveniently barred anyway. The garage guy let me usurp his cordless 'phone for nearly 20 minutes while I waited first for Optus to register my complaint, then while it had Telstra check the line.

Terry, the Optus technician, eventually came back on the line to debrief me. I understood him to say there was NO line fault, and launched into my explanation that Telstra should check THEIR little exchange first. Terry cut me short, rather impatiently, to state that a.) the line should be repaired 'by the close of business Wednesday', and b.) that I should give Optus another call quoting my incident number in case it wasn't.

Faced with a potential six or more days of non-communication, and a less than efficient Optus advocate for its lonely customer out in the sticks, I pondered my alternatives. Optus takes my money for long distance and internet access, collects pre-paid fees on two mobiles (more useful now that a cell controller is a mere kilometre or so away - although it would cost me nearly a dollar a minute on hold to the Optus faults number, which is why I walked to the payphone) but it obviously doesn't really care about my custom. There isn't really serious competition between the two major carriers, and I'm too far out in the backblocks for any of the minors to reach me.

With Howard's crowd falling over themselves to assert their concern for communications in rural and regional Australia, why isn't there a third way?

There just may be, but I'll have to check it out further: there IS a government-subsidised scheme for Internet connections called HiBIS (Higher bandwidth incentive scheme) which applies in my area, and a satellite-based provider has sent me an application form. With this provider, I'd get full-duplex satellite connection to the Internet for $79 a month. A minimum three-year commitment is required - after all, they put up a dish for you...

Now, if that outfit threw in a static IP address and a telephone number, we could talk business! After all, I'm paying Telstra just over $A30 a month for its line, I shell out around $A23 to Optus for its Internet service and my local and long-distance calls add up to another $A30 or so a month... (I'd keep the two mobiles on pre-paid for $A30 each every six months as an emergency backup. And they're damn handy if you want to ring your partner in the next aisle at the supermarket to check out what's on her shopping list...)

So, I'd break even if I got satellite and VoIP (voice over IP) - but it would be worth the hassle just to cut loose from big, bungling, rapacious Telecom, sorry, Telstra, once and for all!

PS: This time I have to eat my words: a Telstra techie called Tuesday morning to say it was the road gang that sliced through the telephone cables again on Friday and did not properly fix the damage, leaving a few customers without dial tone. It had been temporarily patched up but a new cable, in a safer location, would be cut over on Wednesday - when my line would unavoidably be down again for the duration...

So, Mr Howard, you have my blessing to sell the remainder of Telstra: it can't get any worse than this!