The best deal on childcare *

(Conditions apply)

High cost of childcare? I don't know what all the fuss is about.

A sperm donor I know - blessed with a new child after a romance in cyberspace that crashed on contact, resp. the morning after - has got himself the deal of the decade.

He 'employs' a full-time nanny (the birth mother) to raise the child, paying a mere $50 a week for the privilege (money's tight, you know, all tied up in trusts, there's little or no income. And those lawyers' bills are mounting for two lots of litigation, sorry).

But since the nanny is on the 'slave for the single mum's benefit' scheme, he's already contributing maintenance through his taxes... (I can't comment on that, thought the ATO might.)

So, his $50/week gets him a full-time carer for the child, monthly access visits from interstate, plus the right to continuous legal harassment.

I'm not privy to his legal fees, but he's shelled out for the right to stigmatise the child with 'his' sectarian beliefs, and he's spending more on appeals to obtain the right to brand the child with 'his' name exclusively. (From Roman law the principle of naming a child after the unmarried mother, even if the father is known, flowed into Napoleon's Code Civil, but then what did the Romans or Buonaparte know about law?! Modern Italy, by the way, has thrown out this right with the birth water: for an Italian citizen, the name of the father is always substituted on the birth certificate as soon as he recognises the child. Did I just say 'modern Italy'? Sorry, a slip of the tongue...)

The mother's rights are otherwise those of every mum since time imammarial: love, feed and care for the new life, ensure all needs are met, provide a stimulating space to grow in, prevent trauma and protect its innocence.

She could do, in this task, without the constant flow of affidavits, lawyers' e-mails, court hearings by (time-shifted) telephone hookups, but I guess she's given up more or less to concentrate on the main game.

I've appealed to the sperm donor - but he's got his own appeals to look after, and won't be deterred. (A perverse thought crosses my mind: if the child inherits Dad's litigious character, s/he might take legal action one day against the purveyor of affidavits... But fortunately, s/he is sweet-natured, with a great sense of humour and naturally inquisitive mind.)

Here's hope!


* To qualify for this offer, you must be able to prove indigence.
It also helps to belong to the right party - with bonus points for services to same - and to pray in the right church, ditto regarding bonus points. Family connections in the legal profession will be well regarded.

Apply in all confidence to a Family Court near you. In this demockracy [sic] everybody starts out being equal, as near as we can make it. That is an iron-clad guarantee.